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Sexually assaulted and raped for 7 years!

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05/06/2017        Terri

It started when I was seven as a game of truth or dare with my cousins . He was about 11 at the time and he made us do things to him things that we didn't really know what they were that age . When we realised what he with making us do it was too late ,he said if we would ever tell anybody we will get in trouble and we would end up in acare home ; nobody would want us anymore . So we didn't speak up but it's got worse every school holiday he would come down with his sister (my cousin ) do the same thing to both of us As we grew older He did more things To us tricked us into going to the fields Just so he could do things to those things the not child should have to do we was scared because we didn't want to do it but you don't want to lose a family because we were young we didn't know what happened. It's stopped for about a year when I turned 11 But sure enough age 12 I started again this time he was 15 and it wasn't just sexual assault it wasn't just the little things any more it was rape . Things happened in my family and I had to live with my grandparents little did I know two months later he live there too(he was kicked out of his home ) at this point I was 13 and he was 16 I was getting on with my life I had a boyfriend and the typical 13-year-old stuff . But the second he moved in but the second he moved in everything changed ..

Almost every night he would come into my bedroom right before my grandparents will go to bed and you rape me no matter how much I said no he would never stop you strong and I couldn't stop him I didn't want to shout too loud because I didn't want my grandparents knowing what was happening I don't want them thinking I was dirty and that it was my fault Because it always felt like it . I remember this one time my grandparents are going shopping it was just me and him in the house alone . I had just woken up about 10 AM On a Friday And I was petrified to be in the house alone with him I was going downstairs for some breakfast I had my onesie on he came out of his bedroom and trying feeling me up I said no loudly this time but he was angry I was resisting and he didn't like it I resisted more than I have ever resisted because I couldn't take it any more I didn't want this to happen! I never wanted this to happen! but it happened this time I stopped it this time I was going free . I crouched down in a bowl in The doorway of my grandparents bedroom You tried bending of me and incipient my onesie but it didn't work after five minutes of trying to give up and kick the door in the bedroom The day I felt so much freedom I felt as if I had finally done it Maybe I have stopped in this time . A few days later he hadn't done it and I was getting scared because I never knew what he would do so I rang safe at last very close because it was night time but they transferred me to London runaway help line I told them I was scared and everything that been happening he wasn't home at the time I would not of had the courage to ring them both finel very close because it was nighttime but they transferred me to London runaway helpline I told them I was scared and everything that been happening he wasn't home at the time I would not have had the courage to ring them . The next day at school my social worker came in I was so scared but she told me it was going to be alright and in the back of my mind I knew that It. Wasn't really going to be alright My family is all fashioned and I knew how they would react . Later that day as social worker took me home to my grandparents house she told them what had been going on and the disappointment in my grandmother's face was heart wrenching She despised me because he was the favourite he was the one everybody liked I was the one with the messed up mum I was the one who nobody be liked . After getting my dinner really thrown at me that night I felt like my whole life has gone worse I want to take it all back I wanted my family to be happy How could they be they thought I was a liar . My mum was in a mental hospital at this time she stayed there for nine months and she didn't know about this nobody told her because she was too ill . I don't come from a bad background I have a regular family I don't have a dad that's probably the only thing that's not normal about my Background I don't live on a drug estate and I don't live in dirty houses with dirty clothes and dirty people I'm A clean normal person so I didn't get why this happened to me most people get the image of a dirty girl with a dirty house and A drug user Mum well that's not my Case at all . Anyway when my family found out it was awful I got shunned out of the family my mother wouldn't even look me in the eye she could barely talk to me . My family would always say Innocent till proven guilty And I was trying my hardest to win them over but it wouldn't work . After doing a video interview with the police at age 13 I heard very little from the police until today I'm 17 I am almost 18 five years I've worked it just to get a possibility of court I don't mention things like this to my family because I see the disappointment in their eyes they still don't believe me after everything I've proven to them that I'm not a liar they will never believe this until the courts prove me right and it sickens me to think that he's out there and he does it to all the girls he manipulates people and I have found it hard very hard To deal with the stress of my family not believing the biggest thing that ever happened to me . My family is everything to me they are my life and for them not to believe this kills me and I cannot wait to prove that I am telling the truth that what happened to me is real because sometimes when people don't believe you you stop doubting yourself I've been doubting myself for so long asking myself did it really happen or something of that horrible really happened Me like I know I did but there is a part of my brain that wishes it didn't that just wants to rest memory was your race all but I can't do that I'm maybe one day everything will be okay again ..