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rape on a night out

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13/02/2014        Tamara

I was out on a girls night out when i met a boy on the dance floor, we started talking and a friend decided she wanted to go for a cigarette, i went out with her and the boy also came with us, i admittedly had drank quite a bit of alcohol, my friend disapeared and i was left with the boy, we was flirting and i was happy to consent when he went into kiss me. after a few mins, i wanted to find my friend, tried ringing but went to answerphone, the boy told me she had left with his friends and gone to another club, confused i asked could we go get her, we started walking towards the other club going passed a car park and alleyway when he stopped and pointed to another car park saying shes up there, kiss me, thinking nothing of it i did and started walking up into the darkness where nobody was around. At this point he pushed me against a metal container and came onto me, i said i didn't want to be hear i want to find Sarah he told me she wont be long. this was when the rape happened. he forced himself all over me telling me he loves me and wanted to make love to me, i started crying while he continued he told me not too worry he loves me, i told him he hardley knows me and i don't even know his name. i was scared and froze, was too scared to try and get away. i could feel my phone ringing but was too scared to answer. i kept telling him no but he was telling me how he loved me. This went on for about half hour when he realised enough was enough, i took my shoes off and tried to get away as quick as possible, he followed behind me and asked could he come home with me. i just ignored him and carried on walking towards the main road, as i got onto the road he ran straight passed me and disapeared, i found my friends who ran up to me and cwtched me and asked what happened they took me to the police who was dealing with another incident down the street, i was taken to the police car and asked what happened and to give a discription, as i was telling them the police officer noticed a boy that fitted the discription and asked if it was him, too my suprise it was and he was going back into the club. he was arrested and a few months later charged with, rape and assult by penatration. One month after the rape was my first suicide attempt. I was due to stand trial in September. 6 months to the date of the rape my car had £3000 worth of damage done to it, his friends bragged to my friends about how it was my fault for 'accusing their friend of rape' but there was no evidence for the police to do anything. as the trail date got closer the pressure got me and i tried to commit suicide again, i took 40 citalopram, 20 omoxicillin (im allergic to penicillin) and a cocktail of other tablets, i woke up in resus after having a seizure because my body couldnt cope, i then had to surrender my driving licence, i was under mental health services and overdosed a further 3 times. I had to stay in the mental hosptial until the trail date for my own saftey, the court date got ajourned to the next day and the hosptial was going to discharge me but i said if i left i would OD again, the next morning i got ready for court and was waiting to get picked up when the hospital had a phonecall saying court was ajourned again, about an hour later the police arrived and said because of my mental health it was being ajourned indefinatly and the CPS had to decide if there was enough evidence to go back to court because of the stress it was putting on me. 10 mins later i was discharged from the hosptial with a weeks worth of medication, as i picked them up i got a box of 36 paracetamol and took them all. luckily my sexaul assult referall officer rang me and knew i had taken something, she called the police and ambulance where i had my stomach pumped and stayed in for a few days. After an agonsing 1 month wait i finally found out the CPS decision. And of course i was devastated, the result was no it was not going back. a few months on i am still struggling to accept what has happened and know that he has got away with it and theres a possibility i could be on a night out and bump into him and theres nothing i can do!