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Purity abused as innocence

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24/03/2014        Paul W

I was 9/10 when my brother sexually abused me at my older brothers home. Afterwards i felt strange, changed, it wasnt till 2/3 years later i realised how wrong it was, i was destroyed inside completely scared. I felt shame and fear and did not know what to do. My dad was physically beating me cos of my younger brothers lies and i got too scared to say anything, i was deemed a liar so i said nothing. I was very angry and disociative would rather be on my own. I said nowt to no one cos of fear and shame. I did not know i was ill, c-ptsd, which caused me so much pain emotionally and cost me my kids later in life. Trust is a big issue, i try to trust but dare not. I am now 49 and alone, my brother has denied the abuse and the family dont speak to me. Police said not enough evidence, now i live with the shame again alone.