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Nobody cared about me

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29/04/2015        Rebecca B

When I was 12 years old i was having a hard time at home . Heavy handed strict step father . Topped with to much looking after my younger siblings.so I placed myself in to the care of social services .i wasn't happy there or at home so I just kept running away . I met a man who was 28 he made me feel loved wanted special.he took me to live In Birmingham.for a month every thing was great . Then it came .he told me we were broke and he needed me to sleep with a few men for money . I loved him just wanted to b with him so I agreed . It became every nite none stop . I was going away to wales Scotland earning 1000s of pounds. One day I answered back and got beat up. I just ran to the nearest police station. Social services were contacted and I was placed in a children's home in a different county I became happy there settled. After a few months a male care worker started giveing me hugs . Holding my hand telling me I'm beautiful and special and he had never loved anyone like he did me . He made his self my 1 on 1 worker ,taking me out treating me special .it progressed to sex Writing each other letters. I decided to go home for contact for a few night .my mom stumbled on a letter whilst tidying up. She notified my social worker and jointly decided . I had a crush it was in my head and did nothing apart from decide this poor man would loose his job due to my imagination. I wasn't allowed to return home to the home wich I was devastated by . I was now back in my home county and un happy so I returned to my pimp ex . Prosyitution ,and drugs remained my life for 23 years .although now I'm a mother to 3 children and grown up and no longer a prostitute or on drugs . I'm mentaly ruined I have ptsd. I dont leave my home I have panic attacks I cant trust any body . But the worst of all to me . Is I cant b a mother to my children as I cant determine my moods on bad days I lie in bed crying . I've taken up to 180 over doses. I was not beloved or questioned until I was 16 when it had happened to someone else .at court he had groomed up to 18 other girls vunerable hurt easy to manipulate craving love girls.