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31/07/2017        SM

When i was 6 years old, i lived with my father in essex with my brother. My mother had divorced my father and moved to gainsborough to get married to another man. At the age of 6 i moved in with my mother and my brother. Everyting was fine until my mums wedding, where this man (known as my stepfather) started to touch me inapropriatly. He kept doing this when my mother wasnt around, it was getting worse as i got older by him making me touch him inapropriatly and then leading to sex and making me watch porn with him. This carried on till i was 12 and this happened on several occasions like when my mother was out shopping, or when he was alone with me taking me to the laundrettes, it mainly happened at home, in my bedroom, kitchen, bathroom and his room. He would bribe me with sweets and money and as a child i thought nothing if it until i was 12 and had started secondary school, i was learning about sex education when i realised what my step father was doing was rape. I didnt tell my mother straight away and i let him carry on not knowing what to do, think or say. On several occasions my brother would catch him about to do something to me and he would grab my brother by the scruff of the neck and pin him up against the wall and shout through his teeth at him, i cant remember what he uses to say to him but i hated seeing that. One night i was getting ready for bed when he came in my room not knocking, and started kissing me and touching me, i rember only having my trousers on, my mother barged in my room catching him kissing me, he pretended that he was looking for something. I went to bed while my mother questioned him about it he carried in lying saying he was looking for something, my mother at the time was heavily pregnant with my youngest sister which is his little girl, he also had 5 other kids with my mother that lived with me . My mother came to check on me before i went to sleep to make sure i was ok. Thats when i told her everything, i remember being so scared incase my mum didnt believe me or the family would split up because of me. My mother rang the police and he was arrested. It went to court and i told my side of the story through video link, i remember being upset and crying during this video link as the court made me out to be a liar. I was emotionally drained as it went on for ages. He didnt get sent down for it as there was not enough evidence. I had councelling and in my early teens i became very angry and aggresive towards my family, i would run away from home, smash things and argue with my mother because i didnt know how to cope with mother couldnt cope niether, she sent me to live with her close friend, which made me who i am today,I grew out of it and i am now living with my fiancee in our own home, i find it hard to open up to him about this stuff and i am very close to my mother and brother, and my step siblings live with my mother which is my stepfathers children, im like a second mum to them, but as they are getting oldee they are asking questions about there dad and my brother has often met his dad on several occasions, it is now in court for him to have access to his children as they are all under 16, which of course i am not happy with but i cannot tell them not to see there dad, they ask me questions and for the older ones i tell them briefly about what happened, i dont think its right to go into detail, but they know and understand what has happened, i worry that when they do have contact it will happen to them and i dont know how i would cope if it happened to them, i want to protect them from him but i know i cant. I am now 22.