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My story of abuse and neglect

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17/06/2018        Anonymous

basically, I was put in care when I was 4 as my mum abused me both mentally and physically, she neglected me to the point of starvation and it was only when a neighbour found me wandering the streets and she saw the marks on my legs etc - so whilst in care I was sexually abused by an older child (he was 15/16 I was 5 nearly 6 ) he made me have penetrate sex with 2 children of the same age whilst he got off on it, I think he may have taken pictures, I didn't know what it was at the time no one told me about birds and the bees to be fair at that age why would I, anyway this occurred about at least 6 times, he also forced me to perform oral sex on him and inserted fingers and pencils etc in to my anus, made me masturbate him on a nightly basis, I did report this to the nuns but they didn't believe me as assumed I wanted attention (reason I was introverted and alone was due to the abuse!!) this carried on for over 12 months and ended when he moved to the next victim and I was taken back by my mum, in short at my mums her mental and physical abuse especially when trying to drown me kind of made me forget the sexual abuse as she beat me nearly every night for 2 years and said wished had me aborted and how worthless I am. The upshot is this has affected me for 30 years and made me wary of trusting people, I have complex PTSD and depression - T recently reported this to the Police and catholic care my witness declined to go through the trauma of a court case so the CPS wouldn't take the case through - I have put a claim in with the CICA who have now requested a full medical history and a psychiatric report - I am keen to know others case studies as a lot are very familiar with mine - Hopefully I get the full award for my injuries but I was never for any profit but closure - but will it ever as still cant sleep, destroyed every relationship I have had, I have panic attacks and poor sleep along with other mental health problems