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Losing everything after a usual friday night at work

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04/06/2016        Bartender ANDY

I'm now 36 and worked as flair bartender now for nearly 15 yrs, in july last year I was offering my advice to a member of security in regards to what looked like drug use taking place in the toilets, and as I walked away I was attacked from behind. The member of staff I was talking to had taken some offence in some way and attacked me knocking me clean to the pavement, I fell on the back of my head and fractured my skull like a spiders web jest behind my left ear. I was rushed into hospital and onto critical care as the fracture on my skull was bleeding into my brain, this is known as a subarachnoid haemorrhage a kind of trauma caused stroke, I have no memory of the first week in hospital and when I did eventually start realising what was going on, I felt...strange. my ears were ringing really badly and the hospital food I couldn't taste (which was probably for the better! ha) and the first thing I noticed was it didn't SMELL like a hospital.. I asked why I was there and the nurses told me nothing. Eventually I had friends remind me of my last memories of talking to a member of security. He had been arrested the following day (as to why he was sent home and not told to wait for the police I just don't know) he had originally denied even working the previous night, but was arrested and charged with malicious wounding with intent. The whole thing had been witnessed by the public standing outside in the smoking area of the bar, and the police and ambulance were alerted by the city cctv. Upon finally talking my way out of hospital and still not really aware of what injuries id sustained, it was upon leaving I was told by my family that my then partner of three years had left me. She was there after it first happened and apparently the doctors were talking surgery if the bleeding didn't stop, gathering my family and partner together they were all made aware that there was a real chance I may end up almost permanently disabled, paralysis down one side or need help washing and using the toilet for the foreseeable future, my then girlfriend panicked, she arranged with my parents to come and remove my belongings from where we lived and take care of me, she never visited again after that and I still have no memory of those first few days so the last thing I remember of her was kissing her goodbye as I left for work that night. I was informed all this and told she doesn't want know what is happening with me (basically acted like I was dead) as the whole thing was causing her stress, told them to tell me she wished me good luck, and she hoped they will look after me. I was told all my belongings were back in my old bedroom I had moved out of when I was 17 ( I was now 35) everthing in boxes, smashed and destroyed, it was then I really started to notice that my hearing just wasn't getting any better, I put it down to a bang on the head and maybe loud noises in the hospital so thought it would get better in some peace and quiet but I really struggled. Even to follow someone talking to me face to face. I can hear a noise but cant make out what words people are saying I felt terrified,.. whats happened!!? they had prescribed me a large dose of vitamin b to help regenerate brain function and I had a salty taste in my mouth all the time. I stopped taking these but my taste never came back, same with smell. I don't experience any smell at all. gone. my taste is just sensations.. something slightly salty or sweet. no actual taste or flavour. It was about this time I met for the first time with the neurosurgeon who was on call to operate on me had my bleed gotten any worse where he put into plain terms what had happened and exactly how close id come to death. Most die in the first week, and survivors run an 80% chance of never returning to full function. the way he explained it was this.... "imagine your head is like a big computer, and you have spilled coffee onto it, you take the top off have a look inside, everything LOOKS fine, but it doesn't work properly anymore, the only thing to do is leave it to dry out and try and make the most of functions it still does, and then one day...who knows... it might return to normal again" That's me. That's my life. I take vitamins and sit with my fingers crossed that one day ill hear again properly, that ill taste BACON again! that I can smell my favourite aftershave or the fragrance of a beautiful woman again. The main thing I have going for me is my age. I didn't die in the first week and I didn't need surgery and being only 36 now I have the REST of my life for my brain to try and heal, I think the hardest thing apart from losing my senses has been seeing an occupational therapist, I found just the idea a tad comical, I could still cook n clean what problems am I going to have? she highlighted straight away the problems I now have with certain cognitive skils, especially memory, I had almost no short term memory sometimes, I miss appointments unless I have three of four notes round the house to remind me, this was the hardest because as my appointments went on they decided to try me with hearing aids, altho my ears work fine its the connections in my brain are whats damaged and causing the loss and tinnitus , the hearing aids actually really help! I'm glad because its boosts my hearing up by another 20% I find it hard to take in that I went months without them as when I take them off I feel literally deaf!. the problems with memory are hard sometimes, I'm sure weve all started a conversation and forgot what we were talking about half way through as something else pops in your brain, well for me, its most conversations and its not because I'm thinking of anything else. I just completely lose track of what I'm saying.. which reminds me, if I'm repeating anything I said earlier in this, forgive me, I'm just typing not reading as I go or this would take all day!! where was I?! yeah memory! yeah its just all over the place, I'm learning lots of techniques from my occupational therapist so I'm plodding on rather than give myself up into someones care, ive now managed to move back out my parents and live with a friend of mine who is letting me stay at his for free, which is where things get worse! if anyone out there thinks that people on the sick have an easy ride try getting ssp when u have two jobs! stop, start, stop, start...stop.. they stopped paying me about 2 months after I came out of hospital, was never given a reason why just guaranteed it would get sorted for next month.. they did this to me for FIVE months.. FIVE months I was left with ZERO income and obviously with my doctors keen for me not to work was signed off and couldn't just go to work. felt totally helpless, they paid me , back dated stuff then it stopped again.. its been another two months now ive been left with nothing,, after sick runs out you get sent a form... ssp1... well they are now saying they have stopped my sick pay in april as the 28wks was up, ive still not received this form or the two months previous money that they STILL owe me. all I have is this hope that one day this thing is worth all the waiting and was worth getting a solicitor for ( I only found out today I could have filled in the form myself) its now nearly a year later, after I was attacked that same night a police official post flew round facebook calling out for any extra witnesses it described me as 35 YR OLD MAN SUFFERS LIFE CHANGING INJURIES OUTSIDE NIGHTCLUB ....that word.. lifechanging... that don't come close. ive spared you all the mental side of this, the depression , the alienation, what its like to not eat for 6 days... but whatever you can imagine its about there... I think my lowest was giving myself into crisis care as the feeling I had was my WHOLE life has been taken away by some bloke who was meant to be there to protect me and now I'm living with what HES left me, my whole life out of control, well theres one thing totally in MY control and that's wether or not I'm willing to live with what hes left me.. I chose not , and attempted to hang myself. thankfully I failed and since then have never looked back, yeah I may have no money, yeah I may never leave the house or have much of what a lot of people would regard as a LIFE, but I'm STILL HERE!! after touching death so many times last year I was grateful to see the end of 2015 I think if there is one big positive about anything that happened to me its that it has brought me and my family and close friends closer than ever, I was a great bartender competing in lots of flair competitions , steady girlfriend, I was becoming distant to my family and friends id see every blue moon. where as now I really don't know what I would do without them... thankyou for reading if anyone made it this far, and I'm sorry if I repeated a lot!! good luck to you all... and remember.. LIVE FOR TODAY..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!