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A life on anguish ….

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11/12/2013        Lin

Not sure how to start let alone where to finish. I guess I will start when I was 10 years old. Laying on the floor in my nan and granddads home. Not sure where nan was but grandad was looking after me. I was laying on the floor in front of the tv watching one of my favourite cartoon programmes when he leaned down and stroked me between the legs. I hate myself because it tickled and I thought it was just a bit of fun. Even asked him to do it again because I thought it was a game!!! I have never forgiven myself for that. This one incident changed my life but then at 12 years old I shared a room with my brother (14) on a holiday. When I was going to sleep he came over to me and started stroking my breasts. Then he asked if he could touch me down below but thank goodness I had a period so said no and had a gut feeling all was not right. To this day I can never forgive either of them. My grandad is dead and I have only told two people in my life about what happened. I would never tell my mother as it was her dad and son but I still struggle even now to come to terms with what happened and how it changed/destroyed my life. I'm a lot older now (51) and have nothing to do with my brother because of what happened. However, I have been abused by another person since but feel that maybe I let that happen because of what happened to me when I was young so feel it's my fault it happened again. MY MESSAGE - Don't let it happen to you. Family, friend or boyfriend - if someone touches you or does anything in any sexual way you don't agree with or give permission for them to do, please don't hesitate to report it or tell someone. ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. These people rely on the fact that you won't report it and make you feel like it is your fault it happened. IT'S NOT!! Please don't live your life in fear and let it change your perception of relationships. TALK - OPEN UP - SEEK HELP - STAND UP FOR THE PERSON YOU ARE!!! THE PERSON YOU WERE BEFORE SOMEONE CHANGED YOU. YOU'RE WORTH IT!! I wish I had but can't change what's been and gone. I just want you to know it doesn't have to be like that for you.