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Domestic abuse and cps disappointment – 12 years of hell

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17/09/2014        Anonymous

I was 22 years old with three children a boy of five a girl of three and another girl of two years old he was a local window cleaner we got chatting after visits and coffee's together we entered a relationship everything seamed ok at first we decided to move in together after a week of living together I woke up to hear him shouting aggressively at my two year old I ran in the room to see what was wrong she was pulling clothes out a draw I told him to calm down and reminded him she was still only very young as time went by his out burst became more often and worsened one day I told him to calm down and stop picking on the kids he pushed me over the arm of the sofa on to the floor I had my first bruise on my leg from the hard arm on the sofa this kind of thing happend a lot to three times a week he would run across the room at me trip me up then hit me pinch me he even pressed his elbow in my eye socket when I was on the floor I was petrified my eye was going to pop lucky it didn't most of the time the children did not see what was happening as they visited there father at the weekends I tried to find refuse at a woman's shelter with No avail I had hardly any family to turn to it was easier to give in and stay plus the fact I really loved him too eventually we moved to a bigger property things didn't change though he just got worse even hitting me when traveling in the car he was stronger than me I'd cover black eyes with sunglasses and thick make up I didn't go out I had no friends he even took the battery's out of my mobile phones and locked me in the bedroom for what seemed like hours it was horrid in 2005 I gave birth to twins and things calmed down for a while then with his tired ness of being woken by the twins he started being violent again he loved to throw stuff across the room at me and the kids many of times I've court toasters mid air ! The house got smashed up stair banister got ripped out I got pregnant again don't know how as I was on the pill at the time when I was 20 weeks pregnant I woke up and all I did was look at him and he punched me in the face I rang the police he got arrested then let go at tea time I was scared but he came home like nothing had happened he could never recall ever hitting me (strange) I got pregnant again I was on the pill but realised that he must of replaced my pill with something similar he did nothing around the house apart from shout and chuck things I was doing everything even plastering walls and plumbing in the house as he decided to rip the bathroom suit out to replace it anyway I had the baby another boy know I have twin girls and two boys with him life was hard financially too as he would put money in fruit machines not pay the proper amount of money into his work as he was a bus driver I'd have to budget put money by to keep us a float none of his family would help I had even spoken to his brother about the violence and still nothing was said but then his family always made me feel like I was vermin when my baby turned 16 months I met a wonderful man a taxi driver who I saw on a regular basis while picking my children up from school I took driving lessons and passed my test hurray I could have a bit of freedom our relationship progressed we started to have feelings for one another but at this point I had been faithful to my kids dad then one night I was raped by the father of my children I lay there tears streaming down my face after all if I struggle will he strangle me like he has b4 not only that I didn't want my baby waking up to see this happening my oldest son walked into my room he got off me I lay crying he asked was I ok I answered with a squeak I'm fine I was thinking please don't leave me in here with him but he left went down stairs with his girlfriend so then I was rapped again I was petrified of him after I messages my sister I was so upset she came up with an excuse for me to leave the house with out question I went and waited round the corner of my taxi drivers house I'd messaged him he rushed back from work he didn't know where to put his face he just hugged me I lay on his bed in his arms sobbing all night as he held me tight we decided that something had to be done I had to gain the strength to tell the father of my kids this was it end of I've met a new man well I plucked up the strength to tell him it didn't go down well but he didn't look supprized he gathers some belongings and left to my amazement when the door shut for the last time the 12 year weight was finally lifted off or so I thought it was my new partner had previously booked a holiday me being me told him to go have a fab time while he was away my know ex put his hands thro the cat flap and managed to get the door keys off the hook god knows how he did it but I awoke to find him backed in my bed and I did let out a yell I thought he was going to kill me but instead he wanted sex so he forded him self on me yet again my only comfort was that after he left I thought sod putting the keys on the hook anymore ! And I never have since my mum came to stay for a while my partner came home off holiday and moved in with me he said there's no way I'm leaving you to live with just the children I want you safe the children went to visit there father twice then I decided that after he drink drove I wouldn't let them go plus the baby was not even in a car seat I went to the doctors with depression it all spilled out I was given medication and a week to report the rape and abuse or the doctors were going to take it out my hands and probably the children to so I went home in even more of a state and reported everything to the police I did a five hour video interview and there was still more I could of told them my children were all interviewed he was not aloud contact things calmed down life was a lot better in May 14 I married my taxi driver a very happy day then a few weeks after I received a letter from the cps I was gutted they could not prove I had said no to sex so had to drop the case but at the end of the day I told him no and that's it really out of my controll